First, I love astrology but I don’t much follow it as it can be over my head (ha!). I wholeheartedly believe in the wisdom and guidance astrology offers and I’m so thankful I was able to lean into the insight Astrologist Kari Samulels had to offer about this current Eclipse Portal. Oofta! Today is the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse (May 5th) and it marks the completion of the Eclipse Portal; which opened 2 weeks ago on the New Moon Solar Eclipse (April 20th). It was a doozy! You feel it too!? I went deep into my subconscious and drug up all this old gunk. I felt lost and disconnected and was reaching for ideas and new paths that could anchor me and bring me peace.
The honest truth is that all my reaching made it worse and intensified the discomfort. A familiar limiting-belief of the past surfaced and I was again swimming in the deception that I wasn’t enough. I know I’m not unique in this. This is a major source of human suffering. So I went through the painful and familiar process of trying to figure out how to make myself more: accomplished, academic and relevant. Sound familiar? The outcome was me becoming more and more disconnected from my Self/Truth/Knowing. Let’s just say I went down the “rabbit hole” searching for classes/trainings that would fix my feelings of inadequacy.
Fortunately, Kari Samuel sent out her May Astrology Forecast and I breathed a sign of relief and started to chill the F out. Once I was reassured we were in an Eclipse Portal and there wasn’t anything to do aside trust, listen and wait, I began surrendering and stopped looking to take action fueled from insecurities. I started identifying and witnessing behaviors that I am physically and energetically exhausted by.
You’ve heard our partners are our greatest teachers. So yeah, my husband typically only hears part of what I say and then tries to defend himself by saying I didn’t tell him. Umm, so yeah, I told him to get basil, parmesan and a lemon at the store. I’m then making pesto and there’s no lemon. I remembered exactly where I was standing in the kitchen when I said “lemon” yet he swore I never said “lemon”. Me being an Aquarius means I will not settle for anything but the ‘whole truth so help me god’ (exhausting). So I reenacted the whole conversation we had earlier in the day: I was standing here, you were there, you said, then I said, etc. The best I got from him was, “hmm, I can’t say 100% that you said lemon”. I then erupted. I got so angry that he told me I was gonna die of an aneurism. Geesh. The problem wasn’t his unwillingness to see the truth or inability to listen, it was my reaction. I grew up around a lot of anger and it was expressed much more than love. I’ve told myself I’m different because I give so much love and I’m fighting for the truth after all. Me oh my! We all know where fighting for truth has gotten humanity: many wars and the loss of many lives, all for a ‘justified’ cause.
A few mornings ago I drew a Goddess card to illuminate this time. Kali was drawn: Endings and Beginnings, “The old must be released so that the new can enter.” Thank you Kali! Again I was reassured change was upon us and subconscious blocks were coming to the surface and karmic patterns were coming to an end. I thought it was amazing that there was an eclipse shown on the card (see pic above).
This morning I was ready to welcome in the end of The Eclipse Portal and I wanted to do something intentional. I decided to go to Mt Tabor to be with her magic and beauty. I wrote down 4 things I felt ready to release: Anger, Intensity, Judgement and Doubt. I put the tiny pieces of paper in my pocket and headed to Mt Tabor. As I walked, I pulled out a piece of paper, waited until the right tree called to me, made a small hole in the dirt with a stick, and buried what I was ready to release. As I released Anger, I prayed to receive JOY. As I released Intensity, I prayed to receive LIGHTNESS. As I released Judgement, I prayed to receive LOVE. As I released Doubt, I prayed to receive TRUST. After each burial, I felt lighter and happier. The love and tears were right at the surface. I passed a group of women birding and I felt immense love for them. I saw a man and felt so much love and gratitude for the Masculine, I started to cry. As I was nearing the end, I said a little prayer inviting a sign from Spirit but also stated I didn’t need one because I felt so connected; the JOY and LOVE in my heart heart was all affirmation I needed. I came across some volunteer lemon verbena plant and admired their healing gifts and pinched off a leaf to press it’s oils into my hands. I then looked up as a hawk flew overhead. Thank you Father Spirit…your message has been received.
As I type, a Saint Francis of Assisi candle lights the darkness next to me; a gift from a friend. I feel renewed. I’m reminded that there is so much we are not supposed to know and yet love, insight and signs are all around us. As we close this Eclipse Portal, I am ready for these new heights of expansion, growth and change.
Thank you for taking the time to read my reflections and blessings to you on your journey!